It’s interesting to think back to how life was without kids. It was great, but VERY different. Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to be a Mommy. When people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was always a Mommy first and foremost. In fact, I think at one point I announced to my Mom and Dad that I wanted 101 kids! After I got my nursing degree, I loved working as a charge nurse in the Newborn ICU. It was challenging, and so rewarding. I got to play with adorable pint-sized babies 3-4 days a week, and leave it all after 12 hours. Not that it was perfect, working Sundays and holidays was always terrible. However, I don’t think I ever had a clue how hard it is to be a Mom! It’s physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining at times. I’ve heard it said a million times, “Nothing. No diplomat or CEO or billionaire philanthropist does anything that comes anywhere close in importance to what a mother does. No trophy or status or honor of man begins to compare with motherhood in term of its eternal impact and glory. Period.”
Obviously I know this true. I really do, but man it really was a lot easier sometimes being a nurse, and caring for everyone else’s babies. Sometimes I just feel so unqualified for the job! As a charge nurse, I just made sure that the babies’ physical needs were met. I monitored their vitals, administered medications, performed delicate procedures, and met their basic physical needs. Yes, you could say I was a professional diaper changer, and a real pro at all things baby. Somehow, none of this seemed so scary as the responsibilities that came with being a Mother. I supposed no one ever said being a Mom was easy. This week has been a challenge to say the least. Yesterday was just another adventure in Motherhood.
I hate grocery shopping. I really do! My kids are not the problem. It’s me. I despise it! Basically, we ran out of food and I HAD to go to the commissary to get food. It’s not pretty when we don’t have enough food to eat. Just trust me! So I made my list, clipped my coupons, and off we went! Being a germ freak (the nurse in me), I always sanitize the carts and put on a cootie cover. I had finished doing this when a man handed me about 4 books of coupons. I noticed right away that there were several more coupons in the books for things on my list. I am a sucker for saving a penny. I spotted a table set up with cookies, cakes, and all sorts of valentine goodies, so I pulled the cart out and decided to use the table so I could clip a few more coupons.
Just as a clipped the last coupon, the table legs opposite of me collapsed. BOOM! The entire table crashed down. Cookies, cakes, and goodies went flying all over the place. I was humiliated! Several people gave me dirty looks, but an old woman in particular gave me the nastiest look. Like I meant for this disaster to even happen. Are you kidding me?? Just then Kennedy announces in her not so quiet voice, “Wow Mom, we almost had to buy all those treats! Way to go!” Then she noticed the grouchy old woman that would NOT stop staring. Kennedy responded to her, “What? You know she was just trying to keep things interesting.” This cracked the ice with the woman and she responded , “Well, aren’t you a cute little girl, and your brother’s pretty cute too!” About this point I just wanted a hole in the floor to open up and suck me into it. Unfortunately that didn’t happen, so I just had to listen to how much I had embarrassed Kennedy for the next 2 aisles.
It’s times like that when Satan tries to whisper in my ear that I am not good enough. That being a Mom isn’t “fun,” going on little sleep is pointless, and no one appreciates what I do. He wants me to feel frozen, and so overwhelmed that I don’t know where to start. He wants me to think that I have to be “Supermom” and that what I do is never enough. It only takes me a second to realize what is happening. I know those aren’t my thoughts! I know that being a Mom is important, and I know that I am important. My family needs me. My Heavenly Father needs me. He entrusted me with two very precious children.
Sometimes it bugs me when people say, “What do you do?”
I answer, “I’m a Mom.”
“Well, don’t you work?” is the response.
It’s like being a Mom isn’t enough. I am an educated Mother. I have a college degree, and I choose to be home with my children. I am so grateful that I am able to do that. I know a lot of Mothers that simply can’t because of various circumstances. I know this must make their hearts ache. From the beginning, Brian and I both knew that I would be in the home if at all possible. It certainly hasn’t been without sacrifices, but it has definitely been well worth it. Nobody loves and cares for our children like we do. I am so grateful for the joy that they are. They love me unconditionally!